Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
