doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
