my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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