she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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