woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
