He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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