I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
