i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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