I wish I could teleport
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
