i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
