Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
