and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
