i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
