My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
