Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
