I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
