I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
