You're my little dorito
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
