I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
