Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I love you. Go after that dick
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
