i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
