im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
