Buhtt sex?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
