Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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