woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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