I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
