i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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