I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
