i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I sprained my soul last night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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