They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
