No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize