1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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