When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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