she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
