We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
