They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Pooping to opera.
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