I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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