yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
