he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just invented taco cereal.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
