Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize