Define "chronic" masturbator.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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