One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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