if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
