Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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