Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
