Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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