The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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