Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
