One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
