Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I did not marry a roomba.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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