Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
