In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
