hell yes lets make some ravioli
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
