Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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