and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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