haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
