a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
