I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
