Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
