i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
