This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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