Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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