the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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