Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize