what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize