He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
