I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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