You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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