This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
