she was so not down for the gang bang
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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