I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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