the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize