I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
